Akatsuki Job Interview
by AkiraDawn
Summary: Well, Itachi and Deidara are applying for jobs at the Christian Dior boutique. Tobi is applying for a job as a bank teller? Sasori is at home wondering how Deidara could ever get hired anywhere. How is this ever going to turn out? As usual, Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1 The interview

Akatsuki Job Interview

Some Background…

Itachi and Deidara have decided to apply in person at Dior downtown. There weren't too many other high maintenance men who were beautiful enough or sculpted enough to get this modeling job anyway. However, they also needed brains for this job too…well some brains…

It was 9:30 in the morning and Kisame was indulged in the paper in the kitchen. However, the scent of cologne pulled his nose out of the weekly K-Mart ad.

"Wow! You look….wow you look really sharp today! Oh you and Deidara have that job interview don't you?" Kisame asked eyeing Itachi's ultra classy white suit.

"Yes, we do. Now, where are my pills?" Itachi started searching kitchen cabinets for his rage medication. "Kisame where the fuck are my pills!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he yelled.

"Dude, just relax, your pills are in that drawer." Kisame pointed to a drawer and then Deidara appeared in all his blonde glory.

"Itachi do these pants make me look hippy, yeah?"

"No they look nice. Wait isn't that MY shirt?" Itachi questioned.

"Itachi! This is no time for you to quiz me about whether or not you paid for this shirt. Just tell me if it looks nice, yeah!" Deidara said frustrated.

"Yeah, yeah it's fine." Itachi said absentmindedly.

"Deidara, seriously, it's fine." Hidan reassured him from the living room.

"Hey you know Tobi interviews at the bank today?" Zetsu asked anyone who would answer him.

"What the hell kind of job does Tobi think he's going to get at the bank?" Sasori asked.

"I don't know, but he's applying today." Zetsu said.

"Okay, Deidara do you have our resumes that Dana typed up for us?" Itachi asked.

"Yes, they are right here, yeah!" Deidara held them in Itachi's face."

"Good, now put those away, we have to go. Wish us luck!" Itachi said as he and Deidara hurried out the door.

"Those two will never get that job." Sasori said after they had left.

"Hey, I don't know, I think they will get the job. Dior needs those two; it means they will be in this apartment less." Zetsu said.

"That's such a good point you prove." Kisame said.

Now we'll shift our focus downtown to Dior…

"Now, Deidara, don't say anything stupid in this interview. Anything you say to make us sound like retards could cost us a hell of a lot of free clothes and the chance to get free stuff for Dana and Marisol." Itachi said before they walked through the doors of Dior.

"Itachi, I so never say stupid things, yeah. You can't get crazy angry the way you do, yeah!" Deidara warned.

"Come on, let's go…wait….how do we look?" Itachi wondered before they went inside.

"Itachi, I'm sure we look good, yeah." Deidara said with confidence. And with that said, into Dior they went.

"Now, let me do all the talking." Itachi whispered as they approached one of the current employees.

Meanwhile, back at the apartment Tobi was rushing around getting ready for his bank job interview.

"Tobi? What kind of job are you applying for at the bank anyway?" Zetsu asked.

"Teller! I can count really well!" Tobi said with joy spread over his face. Zetsu rolled his eyes.

"Whatever." He whispered to himself. He figured he would humor Tobi. After all it was nice that Tobi had the confidence to go out there and apply for a bank job.

"Hi, we're here for our interview, we're the models you're looking for. You can probably tell by the hair." Itachi said. Deidara rolled his eyes, and to think Itachi told HIM not to say anything retarded.

"Oh good! Come with me. I'll take you both to our boss; her name is Norma, nice lady." And so Itachi and Deidara followed this obviously gay guy to Norma's office.

"Norma! You're 10:00 is here! You're going to like what you see!" the guy yelled into the woman's office.

"Oh! Mark! Send them in!" Norma called.

"Go inside, and good luck!" the obviously gay Mark squealed and then he took off. Itachi pushed Deidara through the door and here they stood before the boss, who was in her late 50's.

"Hello! There welcome to Dior…wait….don't sit down…let me look at you." Norma got up from her desk and began to examine Itachi first.

"Just so you know, Norma, can I call you Norma? I'm one inch taller and 2 pounds lighter than him." Itachi said as he felt her eyes all over him.

"Hmmmm, you definitely have the sexy working for you, please sit down have a chai latte. Now, you…my god….tell me about this hair….is it….natural blonde?"

"Yeah." Deidara said sparkling all over.

"And how long is it?" Norma asked.

"Fourteen and one half inches, yeah!" Deidara said. Norma put her hands in Deidara long silky hair without his permission.

"Silky, oh, nicely taken care of. Sit down! Let me talk to you boys!" Norma walked to her desk and took their resumes. She put her glasses on and began to scan.

"You're job experience includes working for a super evil organization?"

"Yeah, it's good stuff." Itachi said. Norma was puzzled but she kept reading.

"And how does…being evil….tie into fashion?" she asked.

"Well, first off, we wear only Chanel no. 5 smoke violet nail enamel, yeah. We also have these robes that were designed by some guy for our leader, yeah. Oh, and our bedroom…is done in designer bedding, yeah." Deidara thought he had made a strong argument.

"Hmmm, well that seems logical." Norma said.

"Now, lets talk about what skills you two have because I don't see any of your skills listed here."

"Well, as you can see, I'm hot…I mean really hot. And I truly appreciate the value of good clothes." Itachi said.

"Listen…to….this, yeah!" Deidara's eyes sparkled. "Okay, I love art and birds, yeah! Oh, and I only use salon shampoo and conditioner, yeah." There was a long pause.

"O……K…..that's nice…..but what can you to DO. What kinds of skills do you have." Norma wasn't getting the answer she needed. Itachi and Deidara looked at one another and then back at Norma.

"What can we do? Oh god! Woooo! Yeah, okay, well I have three tongues. Three, yeah. Can you imagine what I can do with three tongues? I mean I could like give you my girlfriend's number and you could call her and she could…."

"That's nice Deidara I think she's heard enough!" Itachi cut him off by kicking the hell out of Deidara.

"Don't listen to him, now me for instance, I have Mangekyou Sharingan."

"And……what's that?" Norma asked.

"Oh, I can totally make people's lives a living hell just buy looking at them. I mean if someone comes in here wearing plaid….I can give them a look that says 'get that shit off your ass or else'."

"Oh nice, so it's like…..a marketing technique?" Norma asked. Itachi thought a moment.

"Sure." Itachi said leaning back in his chair.

"Oh! Norma, I'm really good with my hands, yeah."

"Good, good. I like what I hear. Now, we need to talk about your references."

We'll come back to this interview a little later, for now we should go check in with Tobi….I wonder how things are going for him?


	2. Chapter 2 Got the Job!

"Seriously, I'm really happy that Tobi went to apply for that job today. 'The Leader' thinks it's good for his self esteem." Hidan said.

"Yeah, it's hard not to like Tobi, but I worry about how he'll feel if he doesn't get the job. There's a lot of competition for bank tellers." Kakuzu said.

"Well, if he doesn't' get the job, that copy place beside Subway is looking for a secretary, he could always do that." Zetsi said.

"True, he can type 94 words per minute." Hidan said.

"Well, Tobi, you successfully counted to 100 two times. Now, how do you feel answering the phone?" one of the bank clerks asked Tobi.

"Oh I'm great on the phone! I can be real polite! I love talking to people! You want to hear me?" Tobi asked eagerly.

"No, I think it's okay." The clerk said.

"Well, Tobi your resume looks great and you have the ideal personality we're looking for here. I want you to speak with our manager. Hold on, let me see if he's available." Tobi awaited happily for the return of the bank manager.

"Hi Tobi! I'm the manager here and I just have a few routine questions for you."

"Great! I love answering questions!" Tobi was so enthusiastic about the work place.

Let's check on what's going on at Dior shall we?

"Now, about your references, I see 'The Leader' and Sasori on your application, Deidara. And Itachi, I see 'The Leader' and Hoshigaku Kisame on your application. Who is this….leader?" norma asked.

"The leader is the criminal mastermind behind our organization." Itachi answered. "He's great, and he's really into high fashion." He added.

"Okay, well that's nice. Now let me discuss this issue with you both. I notice that Deidara, you are 5 foot 7 inches tall and you have a 28 inch waist. Itachi you are 5 foot 8 inches tall and you also have a 28 inch waist. Now, my concern is that you two have the ideal bodies for every sample we get sent to this store. But, are you able to maintain this body type?" Norma asked.

"Oh absolutely. We are very concerned about how we look always. It's important for us to be able to share clothes." Itachi said.

"Well, I think you two would be assets here at Dior. I'll take both of you.. I'll need to see you both every other Friday to collect the new samples. There's approximately 4 outfits including accessories that arrive bi weekly and we'll need to do our photos to send back on Wednesdays. So as our models and not our floor sales, you'll be obligated every other Friday and Wednesdays. I'll give you two a moment to sign the paperwork and I'll go collect our newly arrived materials for you to take with you today." Norma left and there was a momentary pause.

"AAAAAAGGGHHHHH! AGGGGGGHHHHH!! AAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHH! AAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!" Itachi and Deidara hadn't screamed…..or hugged like that since the time Itachi got drunk and started getting all emotional. "Oh god, Deidara, this is just….the greatest day of days!" Itachi said. "Come on sign these things so we can get the clothes."

Meanwhile, at another job interview….

"Tobi! You would make a great customer service representative here at our bank! How would like to come on board?" The manager asked Tobi.

"Wow! I would love it! Do I get a name tag? When do I start?" Tobi was enthused.

"Tell you what, I will call you within the next 5 days with your schedule Tobi, we can't wait to have you!" The manager told him.

Meanwhile….at the apartment….'Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me? Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?'

"Sasori, your phone is ringing." Kisame said listening to Sasori's new ringtone.

"Got it. Hello? Hey, leader! What's going on? What? Really? You're…you're serious? Well, do you think the van will make it that far? No way! God, that's awesome! Okay, hold on let me get a pen." It was a one sided conversation, but something was definitely up.

"Okay, now, I want you both to try on all these samples. When you return on Wednesday, I'll need to see both of you in everything. Also, whatever you do to your hair, keep doing it. By the way, keep everything in the garment bags. Do you have any questions today?" Norma really was friendly.

"Well, this isn't really a question, but I think you should know that we're not really into the gay thing, yeah." Deidara told her holding a pile of beautiful designer clothes.

"Deidara, what the hell do you mean we aren't REALLY into the gay thing….WE AREN'T EVER INTO THE GAY THING!" Itachi hissed. I'm sorry Norma….he is so stupid sometimes." Itachi told her.

"Oh that's nice to know. Well, stay away from Mark downstairs he has a thing for smoltery dark haired guys like you."

"Oh! I have a question Norma, yeah! Who do you send our photos to, yeah? And can we get copies, yeah?" Deidara had to know.

"We send the photos to the Dior store in Paris and yes we give you all the negatives."

"Dad will love that, yeah." Deidara whispered to Itachi.

Back at the apartment…

"Okay, leader, wait, wait. Give me that booking number again. Okay….there. Now, when do I call and who do I ask for? No, Leader there is no way in hell I'm letting ANYONE be in charge of reservations except me or Zetsu. Alright, so ask for Eugene? Now, we're talking 9 days right? Leader….hold on Tobi just got back from his job interview.

"Tobi! How did it go? Sasori called to him?"

"I got it! I'm a customer service representative! Doesn't that make me sound important? Doesn't, it?" Tobi was beaming.

"Good for you Tobi! I'm happy for you, really!" Hidan said.

"That's cool Tobi, good for you!" Sasori told him. "Okay, anyway Leader, yeah Tobi got that job at the bank. Okay, so how many does the condo sleep? Perfect, that means me and Zetsu can room together and have some peace." Sasori continued to push his pen and jot down notes on something the leader continuously discussed.

"Thanks Norma! And don't' worry, we're really good at ironing, yeah. We'll bring these clothes back for the photos in perfect condition, yeah." Deidara reassured her hugging the manager.

"Good, remember, because these clothes are samples, you two get to keep them. You'll be the first to own the Dior spring line!" Norma said.

"Okay, we'll see you on Wednesday, bye boys!" Norma called as Itachi and Deidara waddled out the door with a mountain of clothes/accessories. They would have to contain their excitement until they returned back to the apartment.

"Yeah, I know Leader. I'm getting to that point in my life where I'm ready to settle down, you know? God! I'm 40 years old, I still live in an apartment with like what 7 other guys?!" Sasori was really in deep with the Leader. However, as heartwarming as this was becoming, Sasori's moment was interrupted.

"AAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHH! AAAAAAGAAGGGGGGHHHHH! AAAAAAAGGGGHGHHHHH! DIOR SPRING LIIIIIIINE! AAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHH! AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!" And then Tobi came to join Itachi and Deidara in all the screaming.

"God, Leader, thanks for all the details. I'll get back to you. Dumb ass Deidara and Itachi just got back from their job interview at Dior. It sounds like they got that stupid modeling job. I'll call you back because I can't hear over all the damn SCREAMING!" Sasori hung up the phone and yelled at Itachi and Deidara to shut up.

"Okay, so I guess you two got that job?"

"YES! YES! YES! YEEEEEEEEESSSSSS, YEAH!" Deidara ran to hug Sasori.

"Okay, okay Deidara, that's enough. Remember our hugging rule."

"I've got to call Marisol, yeah!"

"Oh, shit I've got to call Dana!" Itachi chimed in after Deidara. And so they ran off to get on the phone. Sasori shook his head as they ran out of the room.

"You mean all I would have to do to get a job is have a tiny waist, a hot body, and an IQ of 6?" Sasori asked disgruntled.

"Hey, it's okay man. Itachi and Deidara….they scream sex. You scream intelligence." Kisame said reassuringly.

"You're right, you're right. I'm more than just a smoking body. You know I wish those two morons would come back, I have some exciting news that the leader just gave me.

"Hey, me and Kakuzu are here to listen to the news, what's up man?" Hidan said.

"Sorry, Hidan I need to save this news for when everyone is in here. It's too exciting." Sasori said.

"Okay, that's cool." Hidan said.

"Oh! If I get them off the phone will you tell us?" Tobi bounced.

"They will beat your ass if you interrupt their phone time with the ladies of their lives." Zetsu said. "This is a shining moment in the world of fashion for them.

Hmmm…I wonder what Sasori's big announcement is? We'll find out soon….


	3. Chapter 3 Surprises

Oh I don't think I ever mentioned that I don't' own Naruto, any of it's characters or anything else Naruto related.

"Hey, are you two off the phone? Come in the living room I have to tell you something." Sasori called opening Itachi and Deidara's bedroom door. "Deidara, where the hell did you get those sheets?"

"Marisol got them for me for Valentines Day. Aren't they great, yeah. Itachi wants to make sweet love to my sister on these sheets but I told him the only person doing any kind of…."

"Okay, Deidara shut up and you and Itachi come into the kitchen because I really need to tell you all something that the leader told me this afternoon on the phone." Sasori said luring them away from all the clothes.

Once Sasori had everyone in the kitchen he made the announcement….

"Okay, while you two were playing dress up and while Tobi was out becoming a banker….The Leader called here. And he told me…..that the 8 of us can go to his newly acquired Miami Beach condo for 9 days." Sasori paused. Of course Deidara and Itachi were the first to start screaming. But then excitement erupted among everyone else.

"Oh my god! Remember how much fun we had on the last beach trip?" Kisame said.

"Wait a minute…..Danna, you said the eight of us, yeah." Deidar big blue eyes were now in an irresistible pout.

"No, no Deidara don't do that….you I hate it when…no Deidara."  
"Danna! Oh please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please please, please….."

"Deidara shut the hell up!" Sasori sighed. "Fine, Dana and Marisol can go. BUT, they can only go if you two promise to not keep us awake at like 4:00 in the morning and you know EXACTLY what I mean!" Sasori said glaring at both of them.

"Sasori, Dana is not that loud, now I don't know about Marisol." Itachi said.

"No, Itachi. Dana's not loud….but she is when you're in her!" Zetsu said emphatically.

"You know, I've never been on a trip with you guys, this will be great fun, seriously!" Hidan said.

"Oh Hidan, we need to tell you all about the last beach trip we took!" Zetsu said.

"So, wait, wait ,wait. Do we need to start planning? What about these new jobs Tobi and Itachi and Deidara just got?" Kisame said.

"Well, the bank isn't going to call me with my schedule until next week." Tobi answered.

"We're obligated every other Friday and each Wednesday, but I'm sure we can work something out with Norma." Itachi said.

"Okay, so we wait to hear what Tobi's schedule is. Itachi and Deidara can work out whatever it is they have in mind, and I suppose our next step is to look at our calendar, decide what nine days we want to go, then I'll call this Eugene guy to tell him we're coming." Sasori was such an organizer!

"Wait….Sasori….we have a problem. You, me, Zetsu, Hidan, Kakuzu, Tobi, Itachi, Deidara, Dana, and Marisol. Dude, 10 people can not fit in 'The Leader's van. Kisame said.

"Not a problem. 'The Leader' now has the AKTSUKI _conversion_ van." Sasori said. "It seats 12 and it will easily accommodate out luggage. And the best part…it has that OnStar navigation package, we won't have to worry about incompetent map readers." Sasori said glaring at Itachi who didn't hear him because he was on the phone with the tanning place in town scheduling a minimum of 4 sessions for him and Deidara before they left.

"No, no, that's Uchiha, U-C-H-I….oh now you get it! Yes, yes, I've been there before. Sunday at 1:00? Okay. There's two of us so is it okay to double book? Okay, we'll be there. Yes we know to bring a towel! Bye!" Itachi hung up the phone. "Deidara, Sunday, the tanning place, 1:00, you, me, darker." Itachi declared scribbling that appointment on their dry erase calendar in the kitchen.

"Itachi, really why do you two have to go to the tanning place when we're going to the beach. You don't think you'll get tan enough there?" Hidan asked.

"Hello in there Hidan, yeah? We have to tan so we don't burn at the beach, yeah!" Deidara said with utmost logic. "You want us to look good don't you, yeah?" Deidara questioned Hidan.

"Oh, oh always, Deidara, always." Hidan answered.

"Alright, Kisame, I want you and Zetsu on my planning team. We stuck together on the last beach trip. Let's get started." And with that said Sasori and his 'planning committee went to work'. Deidara went to work trying on the slew of Dior clothes and calling Marisol again.

" Derek Ferrero Salon, this is Marisol." Marisol gasped even though she had just talked to Deidara approximately 8 minutes earlier. "HI BABY!" She was so easily thrilled. Deidara explained the whole Miami Beach thing to Marisol.

"Okay, well I'm like so giving a client a high light right now so I can't call Dana." Marisol answered her hands covered in coloring product.

"It's okay. I'm going to call Dana right now, yeah." Deidara told her. However, it was now time to shift the focus away from the beach trip for a moment and back to the pile of clothes from Christian Dior that Itachi had brought from the bedroom into the living room and strung all over the couch.

"Okay, Deidara you try….oh my god…would you look at this shirt! It's teal! God…how……cute….Deidara I never say cute!" Itachi said throwing this silky teal shirt at Deidara. It was true. Itachi NEVER said cute. Deidara started to strip down and try on this Teal shirt with the CD signature up the side when Sasori put his foot down.

"No! No! No! Absolutely not! You two are not going to stay in here and get down to your ultra trendy boxers while the three of us plan this trip to Miami!" Sasori scolded.

"But, Danna, there's more room in here and besides we had to get the full length mirror in here too." Deidara whined.

"Sasori, this is our JOB our new JOB is trying clothes on!" Itachi reemphasized. Sasori figured this was not worth arguing. He practically already had a heart condition from dealing with Deidara for so long. And so the planning and the fashion continued.

It seemed to be one of those ultra exciting weeks at the apartment. Hopefully everything would turn out according to plan….well if there even was a plan.


	4. Chapter 4 Job Dreams

"Hey! Hey! Hey! My name tag is ready at the bank!" Tobi said as he bounced around with the phone in his hand. "The bank called and my name tag is ready!" Tobi had to be careful not to bounce on Itachi and Deidara's clothes.

"That's great Tobi, I'm on the phone keep it down." Sasori warned.

"Okay, we're tried on all these incredibly hot clothes, Deidara. I think the teal silky shirt and the white pants look great on you but you need a belt with those pants. Also I think the pale blue tunic top works quite well for you and matching it with the other white pants looks very summery, very carefree." Itachi analyzed the situation.

"Well, on you, now you're probably going to get mad, because you've talked about this color before, yeah. Like that one time when…" Itachi cut Deidara off.

"Deidara, get to the point." He encouraged.

"Oh yeah, well I like the purple on you. That purple with the black shirt underneath it, yeah. And as much as I hate to admit it, the black suit looked really good on you, yeah. Also I liked the red and white stripe button-up shirt on you, yeah, but I only liked it with the jeans with the paint splash detailing on the leg, yeah." Deidara told him as they began rehanging clothes.

"God, they are so gay." Zetsu whispered to himself.

"Sasori! I got my schedule from the bank! They told me they found out sooner than they thought when I could work! Okay, they want me Monday through Wednesday 9:00-4:00." Tobi said with delight.

"Thanks Tobi." Sasori answered

"You know, I really wish I had the body you two did. I could wear so much more if I would just lose 10 pounds." Hidan said watching this entire fashion fiasco.

"But Hidan, you are like just a bigger guy than me or Itachi, yeah. So, like….you're always going to be a little bigger, yeah." Deidara was so reassuring.

"Well, that's true." Hidan answered.

"Okay, so Sasori is scheduling going to be a problem?" Itachi asked.

"No, no man it should be fine." Sasori still had the phone plastered to his ear. Oh how he loved his cell phone. There was a knock at the door and Kakuzu was the closest to answer. Of course, he opened it and turned pale. He wasn't good with women.

"Hi Kakuzu!" Marisol said happily as she bypassed him with her 'portable salon'.

"Oh! You're here, yeah. I haven't even washed my hair yet, yeah, Sorry!" Deidara said.

"That's okay, I'll just get stuff out while you wash it." Marisol said walking over to the couch. "Oooooh, I wish I could have seen all these clothes." She said as Itachi and Deidara cleaned her off a place on the couch.

"Oh, don't worry sweetie, we get to keep them, yeah. Even if we hate them, yeah!"

"Hey….Marisol. What are you doing?" Kisame wondered.

"Hi, Kisame! Deidara, like so has some split ends, but not anymore after I'm finished.

"Oh….well…..do you think you could trim the top of my hair?" Kisame reluctantly asked.

"SURE!" she said more loudly than Kisame would have liked. Marisol had already plugged in a hair dryer, a flat iron, whipped out at least 5 different bottles of hair crap, and took out her 3 towels.

"Deidara's hair won't take long. I'll tell you when to go wash yours Kisame." Marisol reassured him."

"Alright, thanks." He told her. Deidara soon returned, wet head and white t-shirt.

"Okay baby, sit down!" she was always so excited. But of course she wasn't about to start trimming up Deidara's hair without her hug from him…..and he wasn't about to let her start without hugging her. She combed the entire glorious blonde out. And went to work with her scissors, but Deidara kept moving his head trying to talk to Itachi about what shoes matched these amazing outfits.

"Honey, keep your head straight." Marisol coached.

"Oh, sorry, yeah." Deidara said. And he quickly straightened up.

Exactly, 27 minutes later Marisol had finished blow drying and was now ready to get out the flat iron. Kisame watched, with his wet head as Marisol worked her magic. She was really good at what she did.

"Okay, so how do you want it fixed." Marisol asked running her fingers through Deidara's shiny straight locks.

"Just leave it all down, yeah." Deidara told her. And so Marisol pulled all that blonde hair back around his shoulders and let it fall. Of course Marisol wouldn't let him out of her arms before kissing his neck. Now, it was Kisame's turn. This happy salon session was interrupted by Hidan Kakuzu's stupid argument. They hadn't had an argument this stupid in a long time….

"Hidan, you're so stupid! Everyone takes flip-flops to the beach! Why would Miami be any different!"

"Because, dumbass! You can't just take any flip-flops to Miami…you have to take nice looking flip-flops not those that you got from Wal-Mart last summer and then ran over them with the lawn mower! God!" Hidan was not pleased.

"But those are the only ones I have, Hidan!"

"Well, listen. This trip hasn't even happened yet! You have plenty of time to get some that aren't retarded!" Hidan yelled at him.

"Oh my god! Both of you shut the hell up!" Sasori demanded. No one had noticed that Tobi was happily organizing his bank literature. He was very excited about beginning his new bank job.

"You know, sometimes I think I should apply for a job." Kisame said.

"What and work at SeaWorld?" Itachi said sarcastically.

"Hey, I could work at SeaWorld!" Kisame snapped.

"I might look into something this summer, Kisame." Zetsu said. "There's an opening at the greenhouse/nursery in town, they are always looking for someone who knows plants."

"You know, I think I would make a great Vacation Bible School leader, seriously." Hidan said.

"Hidan you don't get paid for that it's volunteer work."

"Shut up Kakuzu! You wouldn't do anything right!"

"Oh my god! Take that back! You know I could have gotten that job at Hooters if I would have wanted it! They needed a grill cook!"

"You stupid ass! You freak out at the sight of gorgeous women, and you hate social situations! What makes you think you could have ever had that job!?"

"I could have had that job Hidan!!!!!! I was one of the call backs!"

"And why didn't you take, it. Come on the real answer, why didn't you take that job!" Hidan demanded as this argument flared up.

"Because, I wanted to be a cashier." Kakuzu mumbled.

"No! The REAL reason Kakuzu!"

"FINE! I was scared of the women AND I wanted to be a cashier!" Kakuzu folded his arms and shut his mouth in anger.

"I always have wanted to narrate in the art wings at museums." Sasori said dreamily completely ignoring the argument. Ah yes, it's nice to hear about the dreams of Akatsuki. As for the leader you ask? He has always wanted to be a secret agent man….he's doing well at that.


	5. Chapter 5 Preparations

"And so this one time, I like so forgot to put the butter on the popcorn. And Dana, it so tasted like ass." Marisol said.

"How could you forget to put the butter on it, yeah? And why weren't you using the microwave kind, yeah?" Dana asked.

"Well, I was trying to be…like Betsy Crocker….you know that lady that like makes stuff from nothing at all?"

"Ooooh, you mean Betty Crocker, yeah? You know I bought one of her cake mixes once, and I like so tried to bake it but when the package said mix well, I got out a spoon and it didn't mix well, yeah.

"Did you stir it?" Marisol asked.

"Yeah, and it was just a bunch of goo in a bowl. So you know what I did, yeah? I went out and I bought a cake already made. I didn't have to stir anything, yeah!"

"You know Dana, I'm glad Deidara isn't the kind of guy that likes a girl who can make crap in the kitchen, because I so can't make anything." Marisol said.

"Marisol! That's a lie! You so made ice cubes once, yeah!" Dana reassured her. Marisol gasped.

"Oh my god! I did make ice cubes! You know what Dana, I bet I could make ice cubes again at the beach!" Marisol was thrilled.

"Oh! I know you could, yeah! And you know what else? Deidara would never care if you could make anything. I mean, hell Marisol…everyone needs ice, yeah!"

Marisol and Dana were at the nail salon getting the full treatment and planning what they would take on the trip to Miami Beach that wasn't yet scheduled. Next on their busy schedule was hitting the swimwear boutique in town, then they were going to Marisol's apartment to check out the new strappy Prada shoes the store had recently gotten in. It was nice that Marisol had first pick of everything.

"You know the more I think about it….I wonder why I don't apply for a bank job." Kakuzu said.

"Oh, like you could ever hold a bank job! You'd be so greedy you would want to leave there with the money every day!' Hidan argued.

"I would not! So I like to count money!? What of it? At least I would keep the bank records straight!" Kakuzu shouted.

"You know, I really don't want to get into this with you right now, really." Hidan said disgruntled.

"So, Sasori how are the details coming along on the beach trip?" Hidan asked.

"You know, I think everything is falling into place. And hey, I want you to be the back-up co-pilot." Sasori said.

"Me? Are you serious? That's awesome Sasori, I'll do that!" Hidan was excited.

"Yeah. Zetsu has made a good co-pilot in the past, but sometimes even he needs backup. And between you and me." Sasori lowered his voice. "I need to do everything it takes to keep Itachi out of the passenger seat. He was the most horrible map reader on the planet last year."

"Hey! I heard that! And I was not a bad map reader! Maybe you just had shitty maps!?"

"Itachi, you were fixing your hair in the rear view mirror when I was trying to change lanes in 5 lanes of traffic! That's just putting the driver in danger!" Itachi glared at Sasori.

"Well, at least I was looking good." Itachi challenged. "And you know what, I'll be looking even better in Miami because you know, I'm working at Dior now, I'll get all the hot clothes." Itachi said putting his hands on his hips.

"Itachi….I think we all know we can't be pretty like you, especially me. So…I just don't really care." Sasori said disgruntled.

"Whatever, come on Deidara we have to make a list of crap we need. We're getting low on Redken stuff." And Itachi pulled Deidara with him down the hall to start going through bathroom cabinets in search of things they were running out of.

"You know I seriously just thought of something. I've been using their hair care stuff…..and I haven't even asked." Hidan said.

"Dude, you will get your ass torn if they find out you've been using their shit." Kisame said.

"Hmmm….well I don't want that. And I do know how much Deidara loves having shiny hair. Perhaps I should run to Wal-Mart and get some stuff I can afford, I'll be back. Besides, I'll let Tobi use my stuff. He's going to need to start looking good for this new job of his.

It seemed as though Sasori had things under control. He was currently on the phone with the leader making travel arrangements. And so it seemed that everyone had their place, Itachi and Deidara had their first photo shoot at Dior in 4 days and they were already in panic mode about their hair. Tobi was excited about his name tag; he kept practicing where to place it on his shirt. It was going to be a wild week ahead.

Okay everyone, I have to cut this story off here because I am having serious computer problems and I can no longer update my stories until I get things worked out. So, I am ending this super short story for now so I can excite you all for the next story to come: Akatsuki Beach House 2: Miami Beach Condo. Expect that to be one lengthy story! I promise I'll get it up and running as soon as I figure out what's going on with my computer!


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